I’m not a mom. But I am what a recent magazine article called the “new” maiden aunt—the modern single woman who was so busy climbing the career ladder that she never made time for marriage or children. Instead, she forms a special relationship with the children of her siblings.

I adore my five nieces and two nephews and would rather spend my spare time with them than with anyone else in the world.  My relationship with them has progressed from playground pal and baby sitter to bleacher fan and travel companion.  We build sand castles, read books, shop for prom dresses, and see plays. My nieces and nephews and I talk often—on e-mail, on cell phones, on road trips, and over meals.

I’ve found that girls can really benefit from a non-parental adult. For example, when my second-oldest niece, then 16, had been dating a boy for several months, they started going through some hard times.  Her concerned parents decided that she and the boy needed some time apart, so they grounded her for the week of her spring break.

Toward the end of that week, she agreed to spend some time in my office doing data entry and, I’m sure, keeping a close eye on her e-mail. Over the afternoon, she became more and more short-tempered and moody.  When I asked if she wanted to talk, she said no—that she “just wanted to go home.”

It broke my heart to see her so unhappy.  As I hugged her good-bye that day, I told her what I had come to believe after decades of dating—that love shouldn’t make you cry, and if someone doesn’t understand you and want your hopes and dreams as much as you do, then they don’t really love you.  I told her that I knew she deserved better and I wished she knew that too.  At the time, I wasn’t sure that she heard me, and I felt pretty sure that, even if she did, she didn’t believe it.

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