For many girls—as well as their moms—menstrual periods are hardly a welcome monthly visitor, particularly if premenstrual mood swings, cramps, and crankiness are expected. And in many households, moms and daughters find themselves at opposite ends of the spectrum: While a girl is navigating the hormonal upsets of beginning puberty, Mom is wrestling with the hormonal see-saws of menopause and the preceding changes of perimenopause.

When puberty and menopause collide, blowups are bound to happen. “I’ve got three teenagers here,” notes one mom who’s dealing with her own hormonal issues during perimenopause. “Why do I have to remain calm while they let loose?”

But continued conflict isn’t inevitable. In fact, when a girl and her mom learn more about hormonal rhythms, they can actually benefit from the effects of particular hormonal phases. “It’s especially important for a mom to learn about the positive aspects of her cycle,” says Maureen Theresa Smith, author of First Moon: Celebration & Support for a Girl’s Growing-Up Journey (New World Library, 2005). “That way, she can set an example for her daughter.” Smith discovered this firsthand when she changed how she viewed her own cycle: Her debilitating PMS and cramps subsided, an experience she says is not uncommon among the women and girls she counsels.

Dads should join in the educational effort as well, say experts. For one, men can help combat the sexist notion that women are prisoners of hormones, since they’ll learn that hormone fluctuations are simply one of many health factors that can be managed optimally.

And men could take the opportunity to examine their own hormone fluctuations, notes Gabrielle Lichterman, author of 28 Days (Polka Dot Press, 2005). Men’s hormone levels typically ebb and flow daily, and the effects of men’s mid-life hormonal changes are well documented in books such as Jed Diamond’s Male Menopause (Sourcebooks, 1998).

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