Let’s say your daughter needs clothes—a bathing suit, new shorts, or jeans.  If you’re like lots of parents, you find it hard to look forward to buying these things for her because shopping often leaves her feeling bad about her size and shape.  After all, few girls can measure up (or down!) if they believe that smaller is always prettier, or that being thinner means being more popular, more feminine, even more loved.

Her Critical Eye

Inside the dressing room, a girl may examine her reflection with a critical eye.  She may focus on a certain part of her body and decide it is too big, too lumpy, or too curvy.  Sometimes girls come home from shopping trips determined to “fix” their bodies.  They try to eat less or exercise more—or both.  Our daughters are not alone in this. Clothes shopping is a common trigger for both girls and parents to begin the diet-fail-binge-despair-and-diet-again cycle.  But this is a terrible place to get stuck.  Imagine what it’s like for your daughter if she never feels the joy and peace of simply loving her size, her shape, her self.  Fortunately, she has you.  Your matter-of-fact acceptance of her body size—whether small or large—can help.

Dressing Room Remedies

Consider these ideas next time you shop with your daughter:

Does it fit?  Encourage your daughter to buy clothes that fit her now. Avoid the buy-it-and-lose-five-pounds approach.  Try “If you change size, we can always have it altered.

Do you like this?  Avoid commenting on a style that is slimming.  The message you send with that statement is that she needs to be thinner.  Ask instead, “Do you like this?”

Brands vary.  Remind her that sizes vary depending on the manufacturer.  Fitting in a size 10 in one brand and a size 14 in another is not unusual.  Blame a poor fit on the clothes, not the girl.

Mirror Talk.  If she criticizes her body, ask her not to be so hard on the girl you love.  Try “The girl I see in that mirror is wonderful, no matter what she wears.” Or, “You are much more than just your thighs.”

For Mom. Think about your own shopping habits.  Do you come home determined to reshape your body?  Your response to shopping is a model for your daughter.

For Dad. Your comments have tremendous impact.  Tell her she looks great!  Just be careful to balance your compliments on her appearance with praise for her character and achievements.  

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