A friend of mine named Alex told me an interesting story.  It seems that one day, he came home from work only to hear his wife say, “She went to the mall again without permission.  I’m too angry to deal with her right now.  You’ll have to do it.”  Dutifully, Alex went to his 14-year-old daughter’s room, lectured her about the dangers of not telling them where she was, and sternly meted out the previously agreed-upon punishment—grounding.

Sighing with tiredness, he stood to leave.  But at that moment, he felt an enormous wave of sadness sweep through him.  Without thinking, he reached out his arms and hugged his daughter tightly.  “It’ll be O.K.,” he whispered. “Never forget that I love you.”

At that point, Alex told me, he had surprised himself more than a little bit.  This was not the way he usually acted in the midst of disciplining his daughter.  And it certainly was not the way his own father would have acted.  Alex felt scared, but he also felt free. 

Actually, this story is fairly typical of what I hear from dads all over the country.  All the roles within our families are changing.  During the last few decades, we have abandoned old, constricting ideas about the roles of women, and we have freed our daughters to grow up to be strong and follow their dreams wherever they may lead.  Now it’s our turn.  As the girls and women we love become freer, so can we. 

As dads during this extraordinary time in history, we’re offered a golden opportunity.  Each of us can refashion for himself what it really means to be a father.

The traditional father model—strong, silent, authoritarian, emotionally reserved and physically absent—might have served some purposes well, but it left a ton of sorrow in its wake.  As my friend Alex learned, we don’t have to perpetuate that tradition.  If we’re willing to try, we can provide limits and consistency our daughters need to be emotionally available to them, too.  We have wonderful guides for the journey—our daughters—and they are close at hand.  When they reach out for us, we can reach right back.  We’ll find safety and incentive in the hearts of the girls we love.