Mom: You sure you want to eat that?
Jill:  Um…yes.
Mom: You don’t need a second helping.
Jill:  But I want it, and besides, I’m hungry.
Mom: I thought you wanted to get thinner.

With the increasing focus on childhood obesity and the relentless pressure on girls to be supermodel skinny, it’s not unusual for many—perhaps most!—parents to worry whether their girl is the “right” size. Our girls worry, too, and the resulting tension often creates regular conflict over size and food that leave both parents and girls frustrated and ultimately stymied about what best to do.

As a parent, you don’t want her to feel bad if she’s larger than many of her peers. Yet you may not be able to stop worrying about her health and her happiness and whether she’ll miss out on opportunities and relationships because of her size. Because no matter how wrong and unjust and unfair, it’s still considered acceptable to discriminate against larger people.

So you may find yourself making comments about her body, or giving her sharp looks when she reaches for a second serving, or hiding food from her. You might urge incentives: If she loses weight, you’ll buy her a new (fill in the blank: wardrobe, computer, Ipod). You tell yourself you’re doing this for her own good, and you truly believe you are.

But is there more to it? Maybe, deep down, you’re worried that her weight problem is a reflection of you. You may feel embarrassed or judged—as Lisa, a Brooklyn mom of two larger daughters explains, “You think everybody is looking at you like you’ve committed a crime because your kids are fat.” Or perhaps you were a heavy kid, and you remember how unpleasant it was. Maybe you’ve still got issues with your own body or you continue your own weight battles.

While writing the book Teenage Waistland: A Former Fat Kid Weighs in on Living Large, Losing Weight, and How Parents Can (and Can't) Help, I interviewed hundreds of parents who were trying to help their kids lose weight. Most of these parents had their own issues about food and weight, which they unwittingly passed on to their children. I saw time and again that the parents’ perception of “overweight” is what drives their concerns—it made little difference whether their daughter might be considered 15 pounds or 115 pounds ”over” an acceptable weight.

Back to Article Listings

Page 1 out of  4