One of the most powerful influences on a daughter’s body image is what she learns from her parents, says psychologist Margo Maine. Dad’s comments about female appearance and Mom’s anxiety over her own “imperfect” body and looks can erode a daughter’s healthy body image. In The Body Myth: Adult Women and the Pressure to Be Perfect (John Wiley & Sons, 2005, coauthor Joe Kelly), Maine shows how we can strengthen a girl’s body confidence as we rebuild our own. Plus, see our tips on how to help a girl with an eating disorder.

Body distress around her
There has been a significant increase in body image distress, particularly among women who are middle-aged and older. At one leading eating disorders center, one-third of the residential patients are over 30. Dieting surveys report rising rates among adult women as well as men, who are also experiencing increasing eating disorders such as bulimia and binge-eating.

Our culture tells us that our worth is determined by our dress size, what we weigh, and the shape we’re in. Parents of tween and teen daughters, particularly moms, hear this nonstop message at a particularly vulnerable time. As we get older, we are faced with additional pressures: jobs, children, taking care of aging relatives, and other responsibilities. We may feel that we are losing power at our jobs or in our relationships and fear “competition” from younger people. To cope with the feeling that our lives are out of control, we often try to control our bodies. We can turn to chronic dieting, excessive exercise, preoccupation with food, and even plastic surgery to try to deal with difficult issues and feelings.

Be proactive about her signals
Some girls as young as 4 or 5 worry about having a big belly or express concerns about their diets, saying things like, “I shouldn’t eat that because it will make me fat.” You might hear older girls seemingly obsessed about dieting or exercising or being upset about how they look in certain clothes. You might find your daughter imitating how you eat, skipping breakfast and lunch, or talking about “good” and “bad” foods. A girl’s body attitude can be part of a family overemphasis on body image as a core aspect of self-esteem.

Seeing a daughter imitate their behavior is one of the primary motivators for women to visit a therapist. They’re looking for ways to change because they don’t want their daughter to suffer in the ways they have.

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