I never did well in science classes, so I wasn’t sure how to talk with my daughter Nia about a chemistry class she was taking a couple of years ago. But I tried with basic questions like, “What are you working on now?” Some days the answer was short: “Next Tuesday’s test.” One particular day, however, her answer ran more than an hour, as she started describing the atomic concepts she was learning. She even attempted to get me to understand. Although I haven’t retained any of the information, I have kept the memory of how her face glowed with eagerness as she demonstrated her mastery of the subject matter—and her pride that she knew something I didn’t.

Conversations like this stimulate your daughter’s love of learning. When you start asking her questions when she’s young, you add oxygen to the fire of her natural curiosity. Paying attention to what sparks her imagination can draw out even more interests, as well as confidence that she can achieve.

Ask any successful woman about her father’s influence. It’s fascinating how many give credit for their accomplishments (in both careers and hobbies) to their dad’s interest and encouragement. A study by the U.S. Department of Education showed that kids did better in school when their fathers asked about their homework. Showing even this minor interest in her learning will lead to her having better results.

You also convey that crucial interest and encouragement by participating in her academic work and showing up for her other activities. That means helping her with her homework struggles and attending her parent-teacher conferences. It means attending her concerts, games, exhibits, meets, demonstrations, performances—all the milestones that mark the progress she’s making in mastering skills.

Sometimes, these events may not be your first choice of how to spend an evening. I despised ballet when my daughters started taking it. I’m still not a huge fan, but I attended every recital for almost 10 years, even though I did occasionally grumble about it under my breath. Your daughter needs you to make those small sacrifices so she learns how highly you value her interests and accomplishments.

And it is important to value the many facets that make up her life. Although most fathers can get preoccupied with their adolescent daughters’ emerging sexuality and social relationships, that shouldn’t be the only lens through which we view our daughters’ lives. When we concentrate solely on one aspect of her life, we cut off our ability to nurture and develop other parts of this emerging woman.

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