Creativity

Mandy came home from school the other day and wouldn’t show me the drawings she had done in art class. When I asked again, she cried a little and told me that one of the other kids said she was terrible at drawing. I know she’s not a great artist but I don’t want her to shut down her creative ideas. Nita

Things to Consider
Many girls and adults don’t think of themselves as creative. Creativity is often equated with being artistic or craftsy, which leaves many of us and our girls out. And while that’s one definition of creativity, creativity includes much more than pure artistic talent. We’re all creative in our daily lives, as we make friends, solve problems, try a new way of doing something, plant a garden, cook a meal, repair a car, comfort someone, write a note, balance the family budget or rearrange a room.

It’s to your daughter’s benefit to think of herself as creative in all aspects of her life. When she’s facing a challenge or feeling emotionally stuck, thinking of herself as creative will greatly increase her resourcefulness in figuring out what to do. In addition, exercising her natural creativity feels satisfying in and of itself, like when she builds something from legos or when she decides what to be for Halloween. Her sense of herself as creative will be directly influenced by two things: you recognizing and celebrating her creativity in the small things she does as well as the large, and you recognizing your own creativity and sharing it with her.

What to Say and Do
1-7 years old
In their earliest years, girls are naturally creative. Notice and celebrate her creativity in the little, everyday things.
• You thought that up all by yourself.
• You invented a new hairdo.
As she gets older and starts comparing herself to others, she’ll absorb messages that make her doubt her creativity. Counter the doubts directly by pointing out the many ways she & others are creative.
• It’s so neat the way you and Jeris invented that game.
• Dad came up with a whole new way to make mashed potatoes!

8-13 years old
Focus on her unique approach to whatever she’s interested in.
• You always give it your own special twist.
• The outfits you put together are so creative.
Reinforce and support her creative problem solving.
• That’s a tough one but you’re so creative you’ll figure it out.
• How many ideas can the four of us come up with for what to do?
14 and up
Encourage her to develop her creativity in many ways.
• The project you came up with for the science fair is so creative.
• Can you give me some help decorating this package?
Show her your willingness to be creative, even when it doesn’t turn out the way you expected.
• Now I love the new color in the dining room even though it’s much brighter than I expected.
• That tarp managed to keep the tent dry even though the way we put it up was peculiar.
• I’m glad we took the back roads to Aunt Berta’s and saw that cool bridge even though we got a little lost.
Words, Phrases and Actions to Use
• Brilliant
• Inventive
• Your own way
• Brainstorm
• Why not?
• Give it a try
• Experiment
• Unique
• Interesting
• Beautiful
• Gorgeous

What Not to Say and Do
Don’t compare your daughter unfavorably to others, implying that there’s something wrong or lacking in her creativity or with her ideas.
• Look at how much more interesting Ami’s project is—she’s so creative.
• Just stick with the way they told you to do it.
• Your way probably won’t work.
Don’t limit her definition of creativity to the arts or discourage her from trying other things.
• Anyone can cross stitch; but painting is really creative.
• Karate isn’t creative—it’s just about being fit.
Words, Phrases and Actions To Avoid
• Not right
• Perfection
• The right way
• The only way
• The wrong way

How To Say It (R) To Girls: Communicating with Your Growing Daughter