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Improving Communcation

If frequent fights and stony silences mark your girl’s family life, don’t feel alone. It’s easy to improve communication with regular, everyday steps.


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March/April 2008

Mothering Journey: Get her talking “side by side”
Ever feel you never get a real answer when you ask your daughter about her life? This mom of three daughters discovered that “side by side” talking during routine tasks and activities together did the trick to get her girls sharing meaningful thoughts and observations about their life. Get her tips on tempting girls into the communication you’d love to have. By Christine Schoefer

January/February 2008

Interview: SuEllen Hamkins and Renee Schultz on the Mother-Daughter Project
Is it inevitable that as a girl she grows into her preteen and teen years, she and her mom spar and grow apart? Absolutely not, say psychotherapists SuEllen Hamkins and Renee Schultz, coauthors of an inspiring how-to guide, The Mother-Daughter Project: How Mothers and Daughters Can Band Together, Beat the Odds, and Thrive Through Adolescence (Hudson Street Press, 2007). A mom-daughter group can help keep the bond strong even through difficult times. But here's the twist: Creating moms-only space is vital to serving girls best. Learn how to start your own group to get in on the fun and mom-daughter closeness.

November/December 2007

Let’s Talk: When she shuts you out by Elizabeth Larsen
It’s awful when a parent gets shut out by a girl who now seems reluctant to share her life after years of pouring out her heart. What’s important to remember, say our experts, is that the sounds of silence typically arise at a confluence of challenges in a girl’s life that can include puberty, transitions to a different school and peer group, and mounting academic pressures. Learn how to help her with the emotions that cause her to clam up with advice that’ll get the conversations flowing again.

September/October 2007

Bianca Guzmán and Jill Denner on Latina strength
Latinas are now the largest minority group of girls in the US, but headlines about them too often focus on high teen pregnancy rates and low educational achievement. Such coverage ignores the many ways Latinas are triumphing over formidable odds, say Bianca Guzmán and Jill Denner, authors of Latina Girls: Voices of Adolescent Strength in the United States (New York University Press, 2006). Both parents and girl advocates can learn how to help Latinas flourish in this package, which includes a sidebar on innovative girl group programming.

March/April 2007

Can she really tell you anything? by Susan L. Carney
This school counselor has heard many conversations go badly in her office, as she meets with a parent about a daughter’s pressing problem with friends, eating disorders, dating, or other issues. Too often, our fear and anxiety leads us to diminish a girl’s problems or react in ways that leave a girl reluctant to share her problems with us in the future. Find ways to create a supportive space that encourages a girl to share her feelings.

Pessimistic parenting: Will she sink to our expectations? by Cindy Kelly Lennartson
When we tell others that we parent a tween or teen, the reaction tends to be a mix of sympathy and dread, and often evokes the horror stories of bad teen behavior. But when we parents join in the teen-bashing, what do our girls assume about what they hear? Along with our apparent low regard of them, girls may begin to think that they might as well live up to our low expectations. Talking about the positive sides of teen behavior will keep her—and our—hopes and expectations high.

July/August 2006

Rosalind Wiseman on Parent Power
As parents, we’re frequently confused and conflicted about how to best parent our girls. Yet we often shy away from using one of the best resources around—other parents who are typically facing the same challenges. The reason? We’re scared that other parents might judge us, says Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads: Coping with the Parents, Teachers, Coaches, and Counselors Who Can Rule—or Ruin—Your Child’s Life. Wiseman advises on how to communicate effectively with other parents and provide better parenting for all girls.

May/June 2006

Watching Liz, seeing me
Our daughters are watching us all the time—even when we'd rather they not—analyzing our good choices and our bad ones and learning from what we do more than what we say. By simply taking a new look at how we act and talk, we can influence our girl's actions, as well as open up interesting conversational doors, says this mom and advice columnist.

September/October 2005

Can She Stand Up for Herself? by Andy Steiner
Girls can find it tough to be assertive when they’re faced with snide comments, bullying peers, and other unfair or mean treatment. We can teach them easy techniques for spine-strengthening, such as role-playing practice at home, digging deep for causes of insecurities, and modeling confident responses.

Interview: Christiane Northrup on Mothers and Daughters
Sadly, the stereotype of moms and daughters being at each others’ throats through the tween and teen years can sometimes ring true. But it doesn’t have to, says Northrup, mom of two daughters and author of Mother-Daughter Wisdom: Creating a Legacy of Personal and Emotional Health. The keys to success include talking honestly with a daughter about the challenges she faces—inside and outside the family—and learning from an analysis of the mothering lessons that Mom herself got.

Sorting Out Stepdaughter Snarls
Girls often find adjusting to a new family structure harder than boys do, and tension and disagreements are bound to spring up, says stepfamily expert Fletcher. She offers tips to prevent problems and deal with existing issues, along with resources for smoothing the way.

July/August 2005

Her Other Parent: The Maiden Aunt
When her niece needed quick help with a suicidal boyfriend, Aunt Jane was waiting in the wings. This heartwarming story shows how important adult mentors are for girls, even girls with strong parental relationships.

Navigating the Roller Coaster
The topsy-turvy emotional journey of the tween- and teen-age years are tough ones for dads who want to communicate better with daughters. Patience and consistency can help dads provide a comforting refuge for their girl.

May/June 2005

The Girls Are Alright, Alright?
Do we expect too much perfection from our daughters? Moms and dads might take a trip down memory lane to see that maybe today’s kids aren’t so bad off after all, says Karen Stabiner, author of MY GIRL: Adventures with a Teen in Training (Little, Brown, 2005).

When Parents and Daughters Can’t Stop Fighting
Frequent fighting cycles over sore spots such as chores, privileges, or surly attitudes can seem to never end. Simple listening and problem-solving techniques can break the anger pattern and reinforce emotional competence.

March/April 2005

My Sneaky, Successful Talking Trick
Sometimes the best way to get your daughter talking about sensitive topics is to subtly direct her toward interesting reading on the topic. Here's one dad's story.

Staying In Touch When You're Away
We all need to be away for extended periods of time for business, family obligations, or military service. These times can be challenging for even older girls, but several tactics can make it a positive experience for girls.

November/December 2004

When Grandparents Raise Girls by Anne O’Connor
Teen girl s comprise many of the over four million American children who are being raised by their grandparents. Anne offers advice and resources for grandparents of girl s who are missing their core relationship with parents.

September/October 2004

Nancy Gruver on communicating
The founder and publisher of New Moon:The Magazine for Girls and Their Dreams and the executive director of the non-profit Dads and Daughters speaks about key steps to help us communicate with our daughters.

Staying at Home During the Teen Years
If you quit your job to stay at home with a newborn, you'll probably get an understanding response. But you decide to stay home with a teenager, don't be surprised to get a few raised eyebrows. That hasn't stopped an increasing number of families, however, from changing their incomes and priorities so that one parent can stay home during those formative years.

May/June 2004

Answering Her Questions About Your Imperfect Past
Just how honest should you be when your girl asks about past drug use or sexual experimentation? And how can you put this in context so she doesn't repeat your mistakes?

March/April 2004

Sharing the Hard Stuff about your past
When we refuse to be honest about our own less than perfect pasts, are we hurting our relationships with our daughters? Or do we need to protect them from our youthful mistakes? Essayist Nora Leven confronts one of parenting's most difficult dilemmas.

Why Aren't There More Dads Groups?
Dads and Daughters president Joe Kelly weighs in on why fathers are so reluctant to talk about parenting or admit they can use support in this difficult task. But don't give up, says Kelly, because when most men finally do discuss their kids, they're really happy to have done so.

September/October 2003

Where Have All The Tomboys Gone?
One writer's plea to keep girls children rather than precocious, over-sexualized babes.

September/October 2002

Daddying Then & Now
Lamaze classes train dads how to contribute to the birth experience. Where is the training to help us contribute as much to our child’s ongoing life?

July/August 2002

Teaching Her Values
As parents, we all have high goals for our children. We want them to be smart, self-confident, and resilient, but most of all we want them to be good and moral people. This article gives tips on how to teach your daughter the values you want for them.

May/June 2002

Closer to Her Friends Than to You?
You know the day is coming when your daughter will decided she would rather spend time with here friends than with you. This article will help you deal when that day comes.

The Gift of Questions
Questions seem to contain all the wondering, all the work of adolescence. None of the questions have easy answers. Yet, each one feels like a gift. Learn how to open up your self to questions.


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